Aloneliness 

A relatively understudied and newly conceptualized phenomenon is Aloneliness^[13] – the negative feeling about not spending enough time by yourself. Aloneliness comes with an unmet want of solitude – A raw dissatisfaction with the amount of time spent alone. People often express the intent and the motivation to spend quality time by themselves but external reasons often interfere and make it difficult to act on me-time. In a series of 4 studies, researchers established this new concept as a possible explanation for how solitude affects well-being and mental health.

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While loneliness is understood as social dissatisfaction, aloneliness is understood as asocial dissatisfaction – a mirror image of loneliness. It is a mismatch between the intention to spend time alone and the satisfaction of actual time spent alone. For practical purposes, it is the difference between how much solitude you want and how much you feel you are getting it. It is the discrepancy between real vs. ideal time spent alone.

Aloneliness is based on how we perceive our time is spent. It is more about feeling that you need more or less, not whether you are objectively getting a fixed amount. High intention and low time alone is high aloneliness. Shy people may experience high aloneliness if their desire to be by themselves is not met and have to socialize against their liking. A high preference for solitude can increase aloneliness when one is not satisfied with the time spent alone and wants more personal time.

Researchers found that high aloneliness is moderately linked to depression regardless of how much time they spend alone. Even low aloneliness and high time spent alone are linked to an increase in depressive symptoms. This finding fits with the general understanding that being forced to be alone, beyond your capacity, is more about being lonely – a clear indicator of poor mental health.

After all, the need to spend time alone for self-motivated reasons is a valid way^[14] to reduce stress. When lifestyle aspects interfere with that need and it’s unfulfilled, it may induce more stress. Managing aloneliness may be a potentially useful way to make solitude work for you. Distancing yourself to get rid of the social overwhelm for peace and quiet is a strategy to reduce high aloneliness and convert it into low aloneliness. Low aloneliness along with the satisfaction of getting enough alone-time is an indicator of good well-being.

Researchers invoke the Goldilocks Hypothesis to explain their findings – there are individual differences in the optimal level of getting “something” to see its positive effects. The moment when people feel “this is perfect” is subjective. Sexual appetite, social drinking, sleep, social duties, solitude, dating, etc., all depend on the individual’s needs – perceived and real.